ITCH GUARD

How to put a Giraffe in to the fridge in three steps?

How to put an elephant into the fridge in four steps?

And so on.

What is the height of stupidity?

A moron looking through the key hole of a glass door.

Few jokes or smart one liners fit around long enough from school to filter through the age barrier.Sound stupid as you bring them out to air them,but then just for Humor.

Answer me this, what I asked myself today. the joke suddenly springing to surface.

What is the height of confidence?

A moron scratching a straight line across his crack with an itchy hand while conducting an audience

Do I need to mention the sex of the offender?

To break it down,A lanky man walking in front of a beautiful girl(obvious reference being me,do remember it is a joke;)) tentatively scratches his butt Crack,looks back over his shoulder,shrugs looks ahead and continues walking with his hand firmly taking out a grudge with the obvious Itch.

To view this encounter,the sun hid firmly behind the horizon ,leaving the stage for the moon, who was obviously not having any of it from behind the clouds,that left me walking with this man in front.Alone!

His shirt blue and pants darker still. Belt, obviously hanging on a crowded peg in his guard’s office after a long day out.Shirt having a nice easy unrestrained time creating a loose V pointing to the area of crime,as the scene sets itself.

Picture me an unsuspecting audience.Head phones, Pounding music,fast paced walk.

Picture him,a thin shadow,a rear that you would miss as it does not stand out.No ear phones on his head just the loud thought in his mind, repeatedly going,'Scratch me','Scratch meeee'.

And in that look he gives me before the show,I am sure he crossed the inhibitive point of no return, where the voice, drowned out the stage fright he felt as it rose in crescendo. Propelling our man in blue to continue his slow swagger,while positioning his hand over his posterior,even as I drew closer.

And as I crossed him, along with three other people in quick succession, I noticed that his hand was still being conducted by the symphony in his head,and a desire that literally had his A** on fire.

Confidence.Full marks.

Is that a male thing?or would I ever find myself crossing a woman who doesn't need to even look around to scratch that itch beneath her B***s?

Not one.

I look twice before I even loosen my bra strap away from where it pinches.

And would probably die two deaths by embarrassment were I to find my dress in between my Ahem!posterior vertical crevice,as I stood up and walked off.And it took a third person to pull it out.

Basically were I to do anything that diminishes the perceived goddess status?I would take out my surveillance cameras and if I see a bogey approaching I would instantly abort the mission.which however leaves me to speculate at the mystery of this man. Any man.

And probably salute him,and through him all men and their kingly assuredness!

Yes men have been known to waddle past with potbellies and hanging gardens for rears in birthday suits,past women who elegantly drape their sheets around strategic mounds,that could rival Venus,Did I say drape?

I should have said hide.A quick cover up,as the spectacle returns to cross our orbit,with ‘ball’ed up confidence that need obvious priming with a little scratching.

I was told this ballsy event was the most pleasurable thing for a guy, and the Ecstasy derived,unrivaled!!

My admiration lies in the fact that for men to perfect the art of self pleasuring to an audience,not for the spectators but despite the gaspers,is a self effacing act bowing hundred percent only to feeling.

So in Men Vs. Women,what stops the manicured talons??Is it the social conditioning of the popular media??The race for perfectionism?The stage set to hide and protect the image we portend??and men technically ,literally give Balls to it??

But that is a debate for another moon hiding phase.

Till then I say,

Guys,The itch in the rear garden is great,humorous even.But when the party gets transferred to the front lawns,that’s when the itch turns contagious,transferring to my hands.

And yes you are definitely god’s creation ‘butt’ whatever creates that itch,funny admirable,Your Don Juan Moment,its STILL like a sneeze and you have got to cover it up.

Till then Ladies,lets keep our eyes alerted and smiles strategically averted to these wayward disasters,I salute and call  ITCH GUARDS.